Week 6: Mutual respect - Choose your budget. Roam around a library or used book store together. Find something you'll read, watch, or listen to together.
Yes, we are officially in the 9th week of the year but I am posting about Week 6. February was a work-whirlwind. We are a little behind on our 52 Cheap Dates. We actually did most of the February Cheap Dates but writing them up has been another story. Now, to catch up.
Fitz is a voracious reader. I half-expected him to love this date and walk out with few months of reading at hand. I was sure we would find something that we would both want to read, probably a satire. I know better than to set expectations for a date, but I had vaguely pictured this date in my mind. Erase that image.
I had an ulterior motive for this date: using the library instead of buying so many books. Part of desire is because I’m cheap, but mainly it’s because we have a bit of a book problem. I know, I know. “You can never have too many books.” We just gave away 3 boxes of books, mainly reference books and old textbooks, and we still have full bookshelves. I tried to weed through my collection, but there are books I wanted to keep. Dammit, they “spark joy.” Fitz rereads his books regularly so I can’t complain about his collection.
Despite the full shelves, I’m embarrassed to say that I barely read anymore. I can hardly even say “anymore.” It’s been decades. At one point in my life, I used to read regularly, but now I specialize in only starting books. I can fall asleep to a book like no one else. And after rereading and falling asleep to the same paragraph 8 times, books just sit on my bedside table mocking me. I have 5 sitting here right now.
My Kindle, E.O. Wilson, Mo Udall, Elaine Khosrova, Arthur Allen, and Julia Alvarez taking up space by my bed.
Another 4 books in my Audible account.
If you include my Audible account, I have 9 books started or on deck just waiting to be read. The last thing I need is another book. Fitz on the other hand really could use a new book or three. Let’s get this date started.
We planned to head to the Volunteer Nonprofit Service Association (VNSA) Book Sale held at the Fair Grounds on February 9. I went years ago and it was overwhelmingly large. This year, parking was $8 and it was cash only. We never carry cash. If I had been alone, I would have just parked down the street, but that was enough for Fitz to bail saying, “I’m not paying eight bucks to sift through other people’s dusty collections just to bring bed bugs and the plague home.” He may have also included scurvy and the clap in there somewhere. It was not a scientifically accurate statement, but it was enough to let me know that he wasn’t thrilled about looking at used books in the agricultural building used to hold the farm animals during the State Fair. We ended up at nearby used bookstore the next Friday. Fitz went toward the food history section and I started to understand his frustration with used bookstores. Any Kurlansky? Not ones that he hasn’t read. John T. Edge? Nope. Aside from the dreaded lurgy that he believes live within used books, he wants to be able to look up an author or title and just have it appear. None of this hunting and pecking nonsense. With “mutual respect” as the focus of this date, I started to respect his preference for Amazon. Still, he found three books pretty quickly, with one I think I will like, too. Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto is a collection of comedic essays by Klosterman. I can at least finish an essay before falling asleep. We wandered over to the science section so I could browse and I found This Idea Must Die, a collection of essays on theories that are blocking progress. Perfect, I’ll stick to essays and work my way up to becoming a reader with stamina again.
Our finds from our date. Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs is the one we will probably both enjoy.
On Saturday and Sunday, I read several of the Klosterman essays and about a third of the book This Idea Must Die. That’s more I have read in months. It may have helped that I was so exhausted from the week that I slept nearly 18 hours on Friday night and Saturday morning.
Remember my ulterior motive for this date? Fitz dropped me off at the library on Sunday, but he didn’t want to go in. Maybe it’s the lurgy, but he had no desire to renew his library card. I paid my fine from from 7 years ago, (Who knew? Is this why I stopped using the library?) updated my email, and my library card is working again. I have already used it to download the 5 free songs for the week, but didn’t even try to look for a book.
This attempt at a date over the course of a week never felt like a date. It was more of an independent activity that we did near each other. That’s how I think about reading anyway. I know there are couples that read to each other but…yech. If we are in same room reading independently, how is that any different than being in the same room and and paying attention to your phone, “phubbing” each other? Maybe this is the reason I haven’t really read in years. If I’m around someone, like I have been since 2000 when Fitz and I met, it seems rude for me to read. If Fitz is reading, I think I just get on the computer or listen to music. I may need to experiment. If Fitz is reading, I should try reading without thinking that I’m being rude. I’ve never thought Fitz was being rude. I don’t know why I don’t just go pick a book from my bedside table and read near him.
While this didn’t feel like a date, the experience had some perks. We both found some new reading and my library card works again. I grew to respect Fitz’s love for Amazon. I decided to stop trying to finish a book that I should have quit months ago so I can move on to something I’ll enjoy more. I may have discovered a mental model I had about reading in the presence of others. Finally, I realized that I actually can still read a book when I choose to read after having coffee and almost 18 hours of sleep. Now, let’s see if I can finish a whole book again.
Stay tuned for more cheap dates. Next up, Week 7: Interview each other. You can create your own questions or use these 36 Questions designed to make you fall in love or download the Storycorps app to find questions and record your interview.